There is a road called the Karakoram Highway, a wild military road punched through an arm of the Himalayas by the Chinese army at the cost of 900 lives to connect to their ally Pakistan. It winds up the beautiful Hunza valley – full of warring Islamic tribes – before trekking across the plateau wastes of Xinshiang to remote Kashi, populated by the more peaceful Uygur people. It is not a road I expected to share with a portly young earth-mother from Hawaii, robed in velvet kaftan and dripping chunky jewelry, with two little blond pre-school children in tow.

At the time my ponytail came halfway down my back and nobody could have guessed my natural skin color, so I liked to think I was travel-hardened and open-minded. But I struggled with the idea of those two kids staying in the same roadhouses and eating in the same markets and scrambling onto the same local buses as me.

I challenged her on it, and I learned something of great value. She said that it was not a decision she liked to take – bringing them there – but it was the right one because it fit her priorities. So long as you have your priorities clearly sorted, then decisions are easy, even the hard ones.

Her number one priority was travel, number two was the children. She went through the angst of making that choice once, then every decision followed naturally. She was going to travel, therefore she made what arrangements she could to ensure the safety and happiness of the kids as they came along. They were as knowledgeable about food-safety, stranger-danger and self-doctoring as I was. They were a tough worldly road-warrior pair. Now you or I may not agree with her choice, but I believe her methodology was sound.

Take the time to decide your priorities, and review them every few years or at any life-changing event. Write them down, ranked from No. 1 downwards. Give it proper time and effort – do it properly and honestly. No equals. Be realistic, honest and at times brutal. Don’t write what you think they “should” be, write what they really are.

Get at least the top half dozen clear and settled – the rest don’t matter so much, though it is good to be clear on what comes at the bottom too. If you get stuck, try getting a couple of trusted friends together for an evening to help each other develop your priority lists.

For example, mine are:

1. Security and happiness of my nuclear family: my wife, son, mother, and sister.

2. My son’s growth, development and education.

3. Our home.

4. Travel and other novel experiences (see How an IT Guy Found Job Freedom).

5. Self-expression, for example through writing or creative hobbies.

6. Living a long life. The older I get, the more that deferring death creeps up this list. So far it is working.

7. Security and happiness of my extended family.

8. Mental health, especially time out in the wild, back to nature.

9. Friends.

10. Preserving heritage, especially my family’s.